Fractured Carols

 Listen very closely when kids sing Christmas carols,
This is what you just might hear!

Deck the Halls with Buddy Holly

We three kings of porridge and tar

On the first day of Christmas my tulip gave to me 

Later on we'll perspire, as we dream by the fire.

He's makin' a list, chicken and rice.

Noel. Noel, Barney's the king of Israel.

With the jelly toast proclaim

Olive, the other reindeer.

Frosty the Snowman is a ferret elf, I say

Sleep in heavenly peas

In the meadow we can build a snowman, 
       Then pretend that he is sparse and brown

You'll go down in Listerine

Oh, what fun it is to ride with one horse, soap and hay

O come, froggy faithful

You'll tell Carol, "Be a skunk, I require"

Good tidings we bring to you and your kid

As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, 
Santa asked the usual, "And what would you
 like for Christmas?" The child stared at him 
open mouthed and horrified for a minute, 
then gasped, "Didn't you get my E-mail?"