Old Is When:

 Your friend compliments you on your
    new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

A gorgeous babe catches your fancy and
   your pacemaker opens the garage door.

You don't care where your spouse
   goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

You are cautioned to slow down by
   the doctor instead of by the police.

 "Getting lucky" means you find your
   car in the parking lot.

Senior Party Games

Sag, You're it

Pin the Toupee on the bald guy

 Kick the bucket

Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over

Simon says something incoherent

 Spin the Bottle of Mylanta

Musical recliners

20 questions shouted into your good ear.

Ten Advantages Of Growing Older

1. Your joints are more accurate than the 
    National Weather Service.

2. Kidnappers ignore you.

3. Sexual harassment charges against you just don't stick.

4. People no longer think you're a hypochondriac.

5. Your secrets are now safe with your friends because
    they can't remember them either.

6. Your eyes won't get much worse.

7. You're no longer expected to run into a burning building.

8. Whatever you buy now won't wear out.

9. In a hostage situation, you're likely to be released first.

10. There's nothing left to learn the hard way.