1.
I think part of a best friend's job should be to
immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more
than that moment during an
argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back
all those times I didn't
want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need
for a sarcasm font.
5. How the heck are
you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning
cursive really necessary?
7. Mapquest really
needs to start their directions on #5.
I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be
a lot more interesting if they
told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember
the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make
good stories.
11.You never know when
it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know
that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the
rest of the day.
12. Can we all just
agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to
have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always
slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I
want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I
swear I did not make any changes to.
14. "Do not
machine wash or tumble dry"
means I will never wash this -- ever.
15. I hate when I just
miss a call by the last ring
(Hello? Hello? Darn it!), but when I immediately call back,
it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after
I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
16. I hate leaving my
house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of
importance the entire day. What a waste.
17. I keep some
people's phone numbers in my phone
just so I know not to answer when they call.
18. My 4-year old son
asked me in the car the other day
"Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?"
How the heck do I respond to that?
19. I think the
freezer deserves a light as well.
