Redneck Etiquette     

Ears:

While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job 
that should be done in private using one's own 
 truck keys. (NOTE: Keys must also be cleaned
regularly, because ear wax buildup can 
short circuit a starter switch.)

Brushing & Flossing

Scientists have proven that the use of a toothbrush
(and toothpaste when available) can help people
keep their teeth into their thirties and even beyond.
Dental floss, the modern equivalent of broom straw,
is also helpful. A lightweight monofilament
fishing line works just as well. Remove lures first.

Manicures and Pedicures:

Dirt and grease under the nails is a social no no,
 as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry
 and alter the taste of finger foods.
Corns and calluses can be removed using
 a common potato peeler, remember never
 to cut against the grain.

Hair Care

(FOR MEN)

 Contrary to popular belief, dandruff is 
not an incurable disease. Rubbing motor oil 
into the scalp once a week will turn the flakes dark
 and then they will not be noticeable.
.
If you can't afford hair tonic, brake fluid
 holds the hair in place and gives it
a dark, Elvis like sheen.


(FOR WOMEN)

 While a tall hive of hair is the current rage,
 it can be an open invitation to bees and hornets.
 A 50/50 mixture of Black Flag and hairspray
can prove to be a girl's best summertime friend.

Driving

When approaching a four way stop, 
remember that the vehicle with the largest
tires always has the right of way.

When sending your wife down the 
road with a gas can, remember that it is
impolite to ask her to bring back a beer.

Remember that the median
 is not a passing lane.

Never tow another car using
 panty hose and duct tape.

 

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