Redneck Etiquette     


While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job 
that should be done in private using one's own 
 truck keys. (NOTE: Keys must also be cleaned
regularly, because ear wax buildup can 
short circuit a starter switch.)

Brushing & Flossing

Scientists have proven that the use of a toothbrush
(and toothpaste when available) can help people
keep their teeth into their thirties and even beyond.
Dental floss, the modern equivalent of broom straw,
is also helpful. A lightweight monofilament
fishing line works just as well. Remove lures first.

Manicures and Pedicures:

Dirt and grease under the nails is a social no no,
 as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry
 and alter the taste of finger foods.
Corns and calluses can be removed using
 a common potato peeler, remember never
 to cut against the grain.

Hair Care


 Contrary to popular belief, dandruff is 
not an incurable disease. Rubbing motor oil 
into the scalp once a week will turn the flakes dark
 and then they will not be noticeable.
If you can't afford hair tonic, brake fluid
 holds the hair in place and gives it
a dark, Elvis like sheen.


 While a tall hive of hair is the current rage,
 it can be an open invitation to bees and hornets.
 A 50/50 mixture of Black Flag and hairspray
can prove to be a girl's best summertime friend.


When approaching a four way stop, 
remember that the vehicle with the largest
tires always has the right of way.

When sending your wife down the 
road with a gas can, remember that it is
impolite to ask her to bring back a beer.

Remember that the median
 is not a passing lane.

Never tow another car using
 panty hose and duct tape.



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