Redneck Love 

Collards is green,
 my dog's name is Blue 
And I'm so lucky to have
 a sweet thang like you. 
Yore hair is like corn silk 
a-flapping in the breeze. 
Softer than Blue's 
and without all them fleas.

You move like the bass,
 which excite me in May. 
You ain't got no scales 
but I luv you anyway. 
Yo're as satisfy'n as okry
 jist a-fry'n in the pan. 
Yo're as fragrant as "snuff" 
right out of the can.

You have some'a yore teeth,
 for which I am proud;
 I hold my head high
when we're in a crowd. 
On special occasions,
 when you shave under yore arms, 
Well, I'm in hawg heaven, 
and awed by yore charms.

Still them fellers at work, 
they all want to know, 
What I did to deserve 
such a purdy, young doe. 
Like a good roll of duct tape,
 yo're there fer yore man, 
To patch up life's troubles
 and fix what you can.

Yo're as cute as a junebug
  a-buzzin' overhead. 
You ain't mean like those far ants 
I found in my bed. 
Cut from the best cloth 
like a plaid flannel shirt,
 You spark up my life
 more than a fresh load of dirt.

When you hold me real tight
 like a padded gunrack,
 My life is complete; 
Ain't nuttin' I lack. 
Yore complexion, it's perfection,
 like the best vinyl sidin'. 
Despite all the years,
 yore age, it keeps hidin'.

Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie 
with a RC cold drank,
 We go together 
like a skunk goes with stank.
Some men, 
they buy chocolate for Valentine's Day;
 They git it at Wal-Mart,
 it's romantic that way.

Some men git roses
 on that special day 
From the cooler at Kroger. 
That's impressive," I say. 
Some men buy fine diamonds
 from a flea market booth. 
"Diamonds are forever," 
they explain, suave and couth.

But for this man, honey,
 these won't do. 
Cause yor'e too special,
 you sweet thang you. 
I got you a gift,
 without taste nor odor, 
More useful than diamonds......


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